Did You Think I Said What You Thought?

In my last post I referred to learning a new language - the language of an entrepreneur. Upon reflecting on my 'early' days of networking, I cringe at the thought of some of the words and phrases I used.

One memory in particular sticks out in my mind. I was attending a speakers conference as a service provider (that of a cartoonist). Not quite sure how to begin a conversation, I asked a group of women if they would like to get together later that evening and 'fellowship'. The laughed out loud and continued talking. One of the women pulled me to the side and said, "you must be a Christian" We don't use words like that here. She then explained to me that she was the daughter of a pastor, and although that language was familiar to me, it was not recognized in this setting. I honestly had no other word for "fellowship" other than that ... "fellowship!" (Now, I know that the word "They" use is NETWORKING.

Another memory that comes to mind was at another conference. This conference was a Christian conference and was a totally new experience for me. I and my friends were the only eight white people in a sea of deliciously 'colored' people. (I never saw myself as dull and colorless until that conference) These women were dressed in a celebration of colors, complete with beautiful head-wraps and fine hats, scarfs tied around their waste and clothes which looked like they were meant for an evening ball. (A true feast for my artist's eyes and an education when it came to celebrating my own femininity.)

At one point, we were invited to the pastor's home and as I "fellowshipped" with one of the women leaders of this conference, the two of us "got to talking" about babies (as women often do). I love telling good stories and was deeply engrossed in sharing the story of the birth of my daughter - whom I had given birth to at home.

The woman's eyes got wider and wider as I told her that half of our church was at the house, waiting for the birth of the baby. Women were in the kitchen cooking chocolate chip cookies and baking a roast for my family for afterwards. I told her that because I started worrying about how long it was taking for the baby to be born, I actually 'stopped' my labor. The mid-wife instructed me to take a walk around the block with my husband to get the labor started again - and while we walked, unknown to me, she instructed everyone in the house to go hide - and to BE QUIET.

When I got back home, the house was still. There wasn't a person in sight and you could hear a pin drop. I went back to our bedroom and WHAM ... my labor started in full force and in a very short while, our daughter was born.

Well, you should have seen the face on this lady as I shared this story. In the middle of describing who my labor kicked in when it was quiet ... the woman exclaimed, "QUIT!!!!"

So I did.

She popped up straight in her chair and shouted, "Why did you stop talking???"

I said, "You told me to quit, so I did. I figured you were tired of me talking!"

She threw her hands in the hair and howled with laughter. The other ladies in the room asked her what she was laughing so hard about and she told them what I had done. They too threw their hands in the air and squealed with laughter and literally rolled on the floor.

I just sat there. This time with MY mouth flopped open. The joke was on me. I wasn't quite sure what the joke was - but I sure felt white at the moment.

My memories of this conference are so rich. I asked so many stupid questions. Not intentionally - but because I was really curious. So what? How was I going to learn anything if I didn't ask questions?

Fast forward to today ...

As I reflect on the many memories and experiences I've had inside church and outside church, I'm amazed at how quick we are to judge poorly on what someone says, based upon our own frames of reference. How much easier it would be to just ask questions?

Our impatience to "get to the point" (or MAKE our point) often over shadows something so much richer - if we will but listen and ask questions . . . be patient - and most of all, have a great sense of humor.

If you are in the middle of a new culture, whether it is a racial culture or a corporate culture or a church culture, or a regional culture or ... (okay, it never ends) NOTICE your responses and before you jump the gun and come to the conclusion that the other party is 'arguing' with you, or dismissing you, or not of your belief system; LISTEN to what they are saying and repeat back what you hear. Allow them to CLARIFY if necessary. You might be pleasantly surprised at what you learn, and you might be amazed at how much you were actually on 'the same page' with the other person. There's something to be said about learning curves and crossing language barriers.

By the way - for the other folks who didn't get it when the lady told me to "QUIT" I've since learned that her exclamation was one of affirmation. It meant that my story was so good that she just "couldn't take it anymore". I guess its something like wanting to "Slap Yo' Mommma" when she cooks you a good meal ... (although I still haven't figured out that one.)

And You Thought You Were Odd ...

Many children's books have been written that teach us moral lessons that we as adults would do well to remember. Stories like the Ugly Duckling, which is about a swan that was raised with a family of ducks. It didn't sound like them or look like them, so they called it ugly. When it grew up, it discovered that it was a different species entirely and was actually a beautiful swan.

I have to say that I felt much like that Ugly Duckling until I experienced two special events in my life. Years apart - they stand out in my mind well. (It took me a while to actually 'get' the lesson that I was presented with.)

Years ago I attended Rocky Mountain College of Art and Design in Denver, CO. Just for a quarter - but enough to literally impact my life in a positive way. I've always been an artist and always will be. I see things that other people don't seem to see. It used to frustrate me when I would admire something and point out the textures and colors, and my friends would laugh at me because they couldn't see it and thought I was nuts.

At the time, I so undervalued my artistic talent that I thought all people could draw - they just chose not to. Since I was always getting into trouble drawing in school - the message came across loud and clear that being an artist was nothing special.

Until, that is, I went to Rocky Mountain College of Art and Design. Being around people who thought like me and had special talents was so much fun. I wasn't odd at all - I was just another "species"!

Years later I learned about an entrepreneurial group called Income Builders International (or IBI). When I made the leap to attend their CEO Training Forum in Los Angeles, I was literally dizzy with emotion as people from all walks of life and business, worked together, mentored one another and shared resources. One person told me "Welcome home" ...

I can't tell you what those words meant. Here were inventors, artists, CEOs, investors, teachers, non-profits, consultants, lawyers - you name it, they were/are there.

At first it was overwhelming to have so many answers come at once. (another friend said, "Its kinda like drinkin water outta fire hose, isn't it?) But I was determined to make a change in my life and honor the dreams that I had. The more I listened, and asked questions, the more I began to comprehend and learn.

Its like learning a new language ... and without a doubt, its renewing your mind.
Go to: http://sarahstent.com and click on the questionnaire that is there in learning your strengths. That's a good place to start. Then ...

Seek out people who have similar passions like you and who support and reinforce your dreams and goals. When we struggle with depression and are not care free, it’s because we've denied ourselves the right to express our hearts and live the way God created and intended for us to do.

Can you think of anything more sorrowful than to snuff out the flame of passion and joy that God's children have when they are fulfilling the Call of God on their lives?

Your dream is futuristic and desperately needed. Not only does it provide you with your own finances so that you can do exceedingly well with all that is in your heart - it allows you to do things and help others who have no outlet for their own creativity.

How to Become More of a Leader Than a Follower

Great leaders are those who take responsibility for their own actions and choices and cast down 'victim' thinking. The belief systems we were taught as children (for the average family) include every thing from whether or not "our kind" can shop in a certain place, earn a certain kind of expected income or enjoy certain kinds of relationships…etc.

The past two years have brought more entrepreneurial people into my life than what I have met in my entire lifetime. Is it our economy or are people just fed up with the 'status quo'? We were taught to go to school, do as you are told, don't make waves and get good grades. When you graduate, you will get a good job with great pay. When you retire from that job, you will be given a gold watch and a nice retirement package.

Just writing those words makes me want to laugh. First of all, how many people do you know that have stayed at the same job straight out of high school through retirement? Our world has changed drastically in a very short period of time!

Old thinking (victim thinking) is no longer acceptable. Even if you work for an employer, you must make the decision to work as though you are self employed. A very wise woman once told me that it didn't make any difference if she was working for a company or not - she always approached her paycheck as though she were self employed. She not only treated the company she worked for as thought it were her own business, she tended to her financial business by cultivating multiple streams of income on the side.

When our company was sold and all the workers laid off, many people sank to the floors and wailed because they had no where to go and had mortgages, medical bills and kids to put through college. All their plans were flushed down the drain in one fell swoop. Not this lady - she had already been working on "Plan B" and "Plan C". Her multiple streams of income continued to carry her through while she built a new business for herself and kept moving forward.

The others? I don't know, but what I do know is, she was a great leader, and although she isn't in my life as much any more, she continues to lead me. Her words came back to me in a powerful way when I read Robert Kiyosaki's book "Rich Dad, Poor Dad".

I had not realized that I had avoided reading any business books because I was convinced that I was not smart enough to learn that 'stuff'. I was a woman - and a pastor's wife. The man was supposed to take care of the woman, and the church was supposed to take care of the man -- and his woman. (okay, I've been known to be a bit of a dreamer)

When we experienced financial hardships in the church, we suffered a great deal and went without, because we were taught that it would be unspeakable for us to get jobs - after all, we were the pastors!

Years have passed and I've learned that there are many ways to earn income other than just getting a job. By learning how to cultivate multiple streams of income, a pastor will teach his congregation to do the same. By being responsible with his finances and teaching his congregational members to do likewise, he will become a great leader in their lives as well.

What glory is there in constantly being broke? What makes a person want to even meet your God, let alone have faith in Him, if you cannot cloth and feed your children and you have an eviction notice on your door? Could it be that some sly doctrine has infiltrated our ranks and 'victim mentality' has been camouflaged as being humble?

A great (and responsible) leader will find out ...

As a New Pastor, How Do I Win Respect From My Peers?

The question was asked ... "My husband and I are new in the Pastoral ministry. I need to know how to win the respect of my peers and be acknowledged as a person with my own identity. Handling conflict."

A common misconception about becoming a pastor is that some how, you are now expected to be perfect and have all the answers. The worst thing any pastor can do is to foster that conception. We are humans - and we are saved by the GRACE of God.

The most compassionate, loving and worshipful thing that you can do to represent Christ truthfully - is to be truthfully you. We teach the people around us, how we expect to be treated. As a pastor, that is amplified because of the nature of humans to want to worship. To me, it was frightening to see the look in a congregational member's eyes as they hung on my every word - because today, I now had the title of "Pastor". That same congregational member would not have given me a second glance the day before - because she did not know that we were being ordained the next day. Its silly, but I praise God that what transpired that day was permanently burned into my memory.

The willingness of people to worship you as a spiritual leader, can be intoxicating - and many a pastor has fallen when they succumbed. On the same hand, the worship can backfire and people are quite willing to crucify the pastor if he or she doesn't live up to their unrealistic (and undefined)expectations.

What's a pastor to do? On a consistent basis - search his or her own heart. Jesus said that the greatest commandment was to Love God - and the second was to love others AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF. (You cannot give what you do not possess)

The lesson? As you love yourself and live in integrity and honesty - following your passion and staying in your strengths ... your example will free others to do the same.

And that helps to prevent, or heal conflict because as you receive His grace and mercy, forgiveness and unconditional love, you will be able to give the same, and others will follow and do the same. A Christ-like "culture" will be created of mutual respect, kindness, cooperation and unconditional love.

Conflict always arises. Most often, it is due to a misunderstanding in communication. Ask clarifying questions. Listen. Allow for learning curves. Conflict creates change, and Change means Growth. Where there is growth, there is
life.

If we try to be all things to all people, we are deceived and in a falsehood - all that we do will be based upon lies - and THAT kind of atmosphere creates destructive conflict filled with hate and unforgiveness.

Yep - it all starts at the top. God sees the heart ...

How To Find a Good Church

Define what "good church" means. It’s common for people to find a 'good church' that feels just like "home" ... Question is, “What was your home life like?” If it was filled with abuse – are you finding a church that is abusive like home? (abuse comes in many forms) Or if your home life was compassionate, supportive and educational – perhaps you truly have found your “home” church”.

All churches are made up of human beings – although obvious, it’s often not recognized, so unreal expectations arise along with the disappointments that those unreal expectations foster.

What if you were a woman who loves being a mother and relished the moment she gave birth to her babies. So much so, that any discussion about pregnancy and birthing babies has your full attention. You would do best in a church were there was an appreciation of midwifery, mothers and babies, for instance.

One of my dearest friends gave me the most wonderful gift by encouraging me to find a mid-wife when I was pregnant with my second son. The result was a beautiful, peaceful birth for both the baby and myself - and later our daughter was born at home in a loving, peaceful atmosphere with her family.

My friend's passion for pregnancy, birth, babies and mothers resulted in her receiving her own training in certified midwifery (after serving as a doula* for years). She enjoyed being a part of almost every birth that occurred in our local church - and now delivers babies herself in her community – and overseas.

Her special joy is going on mission trips to help poverty stricken areas with a healthier approach to delivering babies and helping to ensure that more survive their arrival on this earth - and that the mothers are educated on how to nurture them and keep them healthy.

Jean's website is: http://heritagehomebirth.com (*by the way, if you don't know, a Doula is a woman who assists women during labor and after childbirth.)

So . . . the best church for you will be one that is already involved in the areas that you are passionate about. They will support you and encourage you in your passion (and the Call of God on your life). They will not try to turn you another direction or talk you into doing something else.

For instance, if a person is passionate about feeding the poor - a church that does NOT have a ministry for homeless or feeding the poor would not be a 'good church' for them.

Just as a person who was interested in drama, would not find that the church that is focused on feeding the poor is a good church for them. They would do much better in a church that had a focus on drama, the theater and arts, just as the person who had a passion for feeding the poor would do best

Define your future goals, the passion of your heart and what gives you life and energy in your service to the Lord - then find a church that will support that in your life.

Recognize that again, all churches are comprised of human beings - who are all imperfect and must access God's grace and mercy to be tolerable . . . just as you do.

The building of our character, our ability to forgive and our unconditional love and mercy is challenged and created in our fellowship with one another. When we are intentional in our goals, and realistic about our own failures and faults, then we have learned to forgive ourselves and to celebrate ourselves and who God created us to be. Because of this, we can be generous with one another in the same manner. It is this fluid life of unconditional love and grace, mercy and patience and the sharing of like passions that makes a 'good church'.

Practically speaking, local directories, web sites, word of mouth and newspaper articles will reveal where these actual churches are in your area. Visit a few, observe the culture and the expressions on the faces of congregational members. Are they doing "duty" or are they really excited about where they worship and are actively involved in pursuing their dreams which in turn impact their communities for good?

Visiting a few churches, observing the culture and atmosphere, asking questions about their beliefs and mission statement will help you to choose.

When its all said and done - and you stand before the Lord on that last day, you will be judged by what you were CALLED to do (that which you are passionate about and that thrills your heart) ... not what you DID.

Inevitably, someone will say, “I’ve checked all the churches in my area and there is no such thing as a perfect church.” My answer to them is, “YOU are the ‘good church’ – speak to the pastor, share your heart, and if he is receptive to your ideas and supportive of your dream – then bloom where you are planted.

If you find a good church and would like to share it with us so that others can visit, please send me an email through Sarah's Tent. ( http://sarahstent.com ) I'll be happy to add it to our directory of churches.

Removing Three Obstacles to Embracing Your Dreams

There are a few things you should be aware of when you begin to embrace your dreams. The first thing is the DOUBT. "Who am I to do THAT?" "There are so many people already doing that, is there room for me?"

The answer to that first phase of questioning is - yes, there is plenty of room for you - because there are literally billions of people. Not everyone "resonates" with everyone. There are people that will "resonate" better with you than they will with others, because no matter how many people deliver the same 'goods', no one will do it in the same way you will.

The next phase is INTIMIDATION. The greatest way to defeat this impulse is to cover your self in grace. Everyone experiences a learning curve - even that person sitting across the room who has all the answers. They didn't learn all they know overnight. They have dealt with intimidation too.

Just take your time and allow yourself to explore your options, learn the language of your trade, ask questions and devour information and enjoy the experiences that support you in your passion.

The next phase is the LEARNING CURVE. Make friends with this one - because it never ends. If you had all the answers up front, you may not be able to personally handle all that those answers would attract. (orders, customers, media attention, whatever) A learning curve doesn't just give you information; it builds character and experiences, supply and resources, relationships and networking. You will need all of that, not just answers, when you step into your future.

All along the way you will be challenged with decisions that will carry risk with them. The risk that comes with new relationships which are misunderstandings, emotional ties, commitment, etc. Then there is the risk of finances - loosing and gaining, prepare yourself to experience both, but make every effort to control how much you loose - and how much you gain.

Do your homework . . . and build a team.

Why Are You Beat Up and Standing Against the Wall?

In all the years that I have spoken to people about their dreams, I run into common phrases. Phrases such as, "Oh the enemy has really been 'beating me up'" (meaning that you are broke, sick or depressed, or ... well, you get it.)

Or when being beat up by 'the enemy' isn't going to work, there's the phrase, "I'm just waiting on God." Really? What are you waiting for? How will you know when He has arrived? Are you expecting a certified letter covered in angel dust to arrive?

Both of these answers are the most common that I hear - especially with church folk.
Why?
1. It puts the blame on another party (the ‘enemy’ or God)
2. It appears very pious and religious. Self made martyrs really like this.
3. Isn’t that what everyone says?

The problem with programmed responses like this is that it allows the excuse to leave the mouth without checking the heart or filtering it through the brain for analysis. The question is – if it is the devil’s fault, or God’s fault – where are YOU in the equation? We have to take responsibility for our own choices before we can move forward. Otherwise, we just spin our wheels endlessly sitting in the blame buggy wondering why we aren’t getting anywhere.