In our daily interactions, we often need to evaluate situations, people, or actions.
However, the way we approach these evaluations can have a profound impact on our relationships and perspectives.
Two terms often used interchangeably—discerning and judging—carry distinct meanings that shape how we process and respond to the world around us.
As I recently shared with another, “discerning is judging without passing a sentence, while judging is passing a sentence with a conclusion of punishment.” Now, let’s unpack this distinction and explore its significance.
What is Discerning?
Discernment is the act of carefully observing and evaluating something with clarity and wisdom, without attaching a final verdict or condemnation. It’s about seeing things as they are—acknowledging strengths, weaknesses, or truths—while maintaining an open mind and heart. Discernment is rooted in understanding, empathy, and objectivity.
For example, imagine a colleague misses a deadline. A discerning approach might involve recognizing that they’ve been overwhelmed with personal challenges, assessing their work quality, and considering how to support them moving forward. Discernment seeks to understand the why behind actions and focuses on insight rather than blame.
Key traits of discernment include:
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Observation over conclusion: Noticing patterns or behaviors without rushing to label them.
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Empathy: Considering context and intent before forming opinions.
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Constructive intent: Aiming to learn, grow, or help rather than to criticize.
What is Judging?
Judging, in contrast, involves not only evaluating but also delivering a verdict—often with a sense of finality or punishment. When we judge, we assign a value (good or bad, right or wrong) and close the door to further understanding. Judging tends to focus on the outcome or the person, often ignoring the broader context or underlying factors.
Using the same example of the late colleague, a judgmental response might be to label them as “irresponsible” or “unreliable,” assuming their failure reflects their character. This approach often leads to punitive conclusions, such as dismissing their efforts or questioning their competence, without considering external factors.
Key traits of judging include:
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Finality: Drawing a definitive conclusion, often without room for nuance.
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Criticism over curiosity: Focusing on fault rather than seeking understanding.
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Punitive mindset: Leaning toward blame, shame, or exclusion.
Why the Distinction Matters
The difference between discerning and judging lies in their impact on relationships, personal growth, and decision-making. Discernment fosters connection, growth, and fairness, while judgment can create division, defensiveness, or stagnation. Here’s why this matters:
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Building Stronger Relationships: When we discern rather than judge, we approach others with compassion and curiosity. This creates space for honest communication and mutual respect, strengthening bonds.
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Promoting Personal Growth: Discernment encourages self-reflection and learning. By observing our own behaviors or mistakes without harsh self-judgment, we open the door to improvement.
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Making Fair Decisions: In leadership, parenting, or conflict resolution, discernment helps us weigh all factors objectively, leading to balanced and equitable outcomes.
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Reducing Conflict: Judgment often escalates tensions by assigning blame. Discernment, on the other hand, seeks to understand and resolve issues collaboratively.
Practicing Discernment in Everyday Life
Shifting from a judgmental mindset to one of discernment takes practice, but it’s a skill worth cultivating. Here are some practical steps to embrace discernment:
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Pause and Reflect: Before forming an opinion, take a moment to consider the context. Ask yourself, What might I not know about this situation?
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Seek Understanding: Engage in active listening and ask questions to uncover the reasons behind actions or decisions.
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Challenge Assumptions: Recognize when you’re leaning toward a snap judgment and question whether it’s based on evidence or bias.
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Focus on Solutions: Instead of dwelling on what went wrong, think about how to move forward constructively.
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Practice Self-Compassion: Apply discernment to yourself as well. Acknowledge your mistakes or shortcomings without labeling yourself a failure.
Finally,
Discerning and judging may both involve evaluation, but their approaches and outcomes couldn’t be more different. Discerning is like holding a lantern to illuminate truth with care and curiosity, while judging is like wielding a gavel to deliver a verdict. By choosing discernment, we cultivate empathy, foster growth, and create space for meaningful connections. In a world quick to judge, practicing discernment is not just a skill—it’s a gift to ourselves and those around us.
Next time you’re tempted to pass sentence, pause and choose discernment instead. You might be surprised at the clarity and compassion it brings.