Understanding Forgiveness and Boundaries in Confronting Sin in the Church

The church often grapples with a profound tension: “How do we balance the biblical call to forgive and love others with the need to address sin, particularly when it involves leaders who abuse their authority?”

For years, I’ve struggled with the doctrines I’ve been taught in the churches I’ve known, which created cognitive dissonance in my mind and heart, and I know I was not alone in this. To question these errors, however, was to “question authority” or be of a “rebellious spirit” because of disagreements.

Misinterpretations of scriptures like “Judge not” (Matthew 7:1), “Touch not my anointed” (Psalm 105:15), and “Love covers a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8) have, at times, fostered a culture where accountability is stifled. This misapplication can paralyze congregations, leaving members confused about how to respond to injustice while striving to embody Christian virtues. The result is a false doctrine that protects narcissistic behaviors and immoral leaders, often at the expense of innocent victims.

Unfortunately for me, as a congregational member, then a leader in the church, and finally a pastor’s wife, I experienced these internal conflicts again and again, and because I challenged them, I was labeled a “trouble-maker,” which eventually silenced my voice. My greatest error? Trusting others to know more than me and not trusting my intuition and spirit to not only study the Word for myself more deeply, but to stand strong in challenging these misquoted statements.

Forgiveness and Boundaries: Can They Coexist?

A common question arises: How do we set boundaries if we are told to forgive? The command to forgive (e.g., Matthew 18:21-22) does not mean excusing or ignoring sin. Forgiveness is a personal act of releasing resentment and entrusting justice to God (Romans 12:19). It does not require abandoning boundaries or enabling harmful behavior. Setting boundaries is an act of love—for oneself, for the offender, and the community. It prevents further harm and reflects the biblical principle of stewarding our lives wisely (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). (There is no such thing as “forgive and forget”. That is foolishness. The reframe of this phrase is to “forgive, learn, and grow.”

Another concern is whether loving someone, regardless of their actions, means they “win” by escaping accountability for evil. The answer is no. Love does not equate to permissiveness. In the news now are multiple stories of Christian leaders who have built mega-churches and are held in high regard because of their charismatic presence, who are sexually abusing others in their midst. Victims stay silent and witnesses stay silent, reasoning to themselves (gaslighting themselves) that what they are seeing isn’t what they think it is; therefore, they convince themselves not to see.

Galatians 6:7 states, “Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap.” Allowing natural consequences to unfold is not unloving; it can be a pathway to repentance (2 Corinthians 7:10). Protecting offenders from consequences often enables further sin, harming both the individual and the church.

One pastor I know violated a praise and worship leader, whose life and family were irreversibly damaged by his predatory behaviors. She did not receive support, help, or counseling, but he did. The leadership of his denomination, gracefully covered him and gave him three months off to “heal” while they urged us not to speak of his sin, because “love covers a multitude of sins.” He was later “restored” to the pulpit, only to then violate many women in the church afterward, destroying many lives in the process. Where is he now? He is pastoring yet another church … (God is not mocked. I doubt this will end well.)