“Listening with your eyes” refers to the concept of paying close attention to non-verbal cues such as body language, facial expressions, and gestures while someone is speaking.

It involves hearing the words as they are spoken and observing the speaker’s visual cues better to understand their emotions, intentions, and overall message.

This practice is critical in effective communication, as it helps to enhance comprehension and improve the quality of interactions between individuals.

The skill, patience, and wisdom in practicing this technique make all the difference in communication, authority, and relationships. Have you ever tried to communicate something to someone and as you are speaking, you can already tell that the “listener” is thinking about what they will say? They have no clue as to how important it is for you to be heard, nor do they get it if you are just feeding them a dialogue to see what they will do with it. (Trust me, I know people who do this with great skill)

On the flip side, have you had someone talking to you that made no sense? The temptation to dismiss the person, or blow off the conversation is real. However, did you notice whether they were frustrated? Fearful? Confused? Young? Old? Traumatized?

Years ago there was a woman in our congregation that needed to be heard. She was sweet and devoted to her beloved church and served faithfully. Yet she was rarely heard, because if someone paused long enough to listen to her, she’d begin her conversations by explaining her childhood, or where she was the other day, in order to lead up to what she wanted to say. 

It grieves me now to realize that her habit of approaching conversations was from a place of trauma. She felt she had to (over) explain what she needed to say and justify why she needed to say it.

I now know and understand that an enormous amount of information was being given to me and because I could not follow her conversation and would lose patience, she was never heard, appreciated, or helped in the way she deserved to be helped. She was speaking out of fear and trauma response that she was fighting through to share even the smallest of thoughts.

At the same time, there was another woman (in leadership) who was very clear in her words, phrases, and communication. Yet, I failed to see her biting her lips in anger, the toss of her head when dismissing people she was annoyed with, or the gestures of her hands that were directive, and not kind.

The first woman was motivated to serve. The second woman was motivated to rule. The words distracted me then from seeing what I wasn’t seeing. Tragedy lay ahead for all of us because of not seeing what we needed to see. Pain, love, humility, or control, superiority, and selfishness.