Know the difference between a teachable growth-mindset person versus someone who is seeking validation without investment.
Being flattered and praised for your intelligence, charisma, or wisdom can be quite enjoyable – until it is revealed as manipulation.
Whether you have studied for years, or the years have studied you, there are opportunities to share what you’ve learned with others. The desire to help others to avoid doing things the hard way, or to open their eyes to new possibilities is rewarding and quite satisfying.
An opportunity such as this arrived in my Inbox years ago. I’d posted a form on my website that asked questions in such a way as to help individuals notice what common thread motivated them in what they loved to do most.
A woman asked a question after filling out the form, and naturally, I answered. She responded with more questions, and before I knew it, we were having the conversations of our lives. Many conversations. Many thoughts, lessons, insights, solutions, and stories were shared between us daily for nearly ten years!
The experience with such a teachable and insightful student was the first time I’d ever been able to voice the many lessons I’d learned the “hard way” and, through observations and study. It was exhilarating!
About three years into our correspondence, another woman contacted me through our then, “Prayer Line”. Eager for answers – or so I thought – I shared openly and freely the lessons I was sharing with the first woman.
The woman on the other end of the phone would respond to some of my statements and lessons with “fascinating”, “you intrigue me” and “tell me more”. Like the first woman, she presented herself to be hungry for answers and would call often.
I must confess, my ego was getting quite puffed up. Her nickname for me of, “The Great Sensei” became a fun way of praising my great wisdom and knowledge. (sigh)
On the surface, it appeared that both women were eager to learn and grow. I made the mistake of assuming that the second woman was going to be as teachable as the first, yet somehow, our conversations were exhausting, and yet at times, energizing.
What I was unaware of at the time was that the second woman had an insatiable need for attention and emotional supply. As she demanded more and more of my time, the wonderful conversations I had been having with the first woman began to wane and what once had been daily inquiries and digging into scriptures and life lessons, became conversations that centered around the second woman.
No, this was not gossip. This was the result of the unfortunate introduction to one another that I had made between the two of them. Somehow, the needs of the second woman took center stage and pushed all other conversations out of the picture.
Without going into detail at this time, this experience taught me a great deal about narcissism, psychopathy, people-pleasing, manipulation, ego, boundaries, and more.
The lessons each woman introduced into my life have been the greatest gifts I never knew I needed.
Who They Showed Themselves to Be ...
TEACHABLE STUDENT
- An insatiable appetite for answers
- Studies on their own
- Asks questions to learn more information and applies it.
- Follows through. Reads books and suggested articles. Will watch videos.
- Communicates self-reflection, how the information applies to them, and what it means to them.
- Growth is noticeable and evident.
- Willing to research to confirm information.
- Challenges information for clarity.
What I learned ...
I learned that the journey I had taken up to the moment I met my student, was not unique to me. Her struggles, questions, and challenges were breathtaking moments to revisit the lessons that I had learned unaware.
By answering her questions, these lessons were brought to light and seen. I honor, cherish, and give thanks for those lessons, because by sharing them, I learned that God had never forgotten me in my trials, but was, in fact, carrying me all along through my trials while teaching me.
I learned I was not worthless and had something to share from my pain and disillusionment. I began to see that there are lessons in everything … even in difficult people who don’t necessarily have pristine motives.
CON-ARTIST (FALSE) STUDENT
- Asks a lot of questions for information to use, not digest.
- not willing to study on their own – it’s easier to ask for explanations from other sources without an investment of their own time and energy
- Memorizes information to parrot, but doesn’t understand the information.
- Not interested in reading books, watching videos because what they seek is your attention as their emotional supply, not to learn.
- Conversations are never inward-focused but outward-focused and are called “chaff and redirect” where it appears they are communicating and are redirecting the conversation to match their agenda.
- In spite of massive amounts of hours and time poured into this student by the teacher, there are no signs of growth or awareness. (this is a sure sign of manipulation and an agenda not in line with the teacher.)
- They are not interested in spending time researching or getting answers on their own when they can just repeat expected and memorized answers to get what they want.
- They do not challenge the information, they will challenge the teacher, or flatter the teacher. Again, this is because their agenda is for self-gratification and attention, not to learn.
What I learned ...
“Difficult people come into our lives to teach us something nobody else could” – Iyanla Vanzant
I learned a great deal about myself and through this blog post and others, I desire to share the many lessons that presented themselves and completely changed the course of my life.
I’ve heard popular teachers on YouTube agree on one of the greatest lessons they have learned from reading commenters on their vlogs. “Don’t believe the bad … and don’t believe the good.”
As leaders and mentors, we’ve been given a great deal of responsibility. Whom much is given, much is required, and the first lesson is to be teachable ourselves. This is humility.
Our role in the lives of our students is to feed them the knowledge we’ve been gained and attained. It is not to fix them, nor to become convinced that we have power over the results they experience in their own lives. That is their journey. Not ours. Our journey is to share.
We are servants – not gods. Be a vessel and share what was given to you. Resist the temptation to think that you are amazing – or worthless. Take comfort in knowing that you are loved and cherished … by God. (whether anyone else shows this to you or not.)
There is a lesson in everything including failures and mistakes. Stay teachable. Be as teachable as you want the students in your lives to be.
Stay curious and resist making assumptions about good or evil – pay attention to the fruits and judge the fruit, not the individual.