In every crisis or obstacle, there is a treasure to be found. Each trial, challenge, difficulty, or drama that we encounter carries a lesson that will make us learn why we made the decision or decisions that we did.
Knowing what our “Pay-off” was for making the choices and actions that we did will help us to identify and clarify what really matters to us. The problem is, most of us are lying to ourselves about what our true intentions are, and usually the first instinctual response of human nature is to blame someone else … anyone or anything else.
When chaos reigns, wrong choices are being made. Chaos has no order … that’s why its called chaos. Order comes from focused intention and asking the right questions. Those questions are to yourself first and then to others.
For instance …
- “Is this really a battle that needs to be fought right now?” is a terrific question to ask when you feel your emotions flare and there’s a person or trigger-event.
- Or, “Do I really need to say this?” When someone else is on a roll with their emotions flaring. Rarely, does defending one’s self actually change the mind of an accuser when they are in the heat of their accusations. Did you know that when you defend yourself – you set them up as judge and jury over you? Think about that the next time someone makes false accusations against you.
Processing the moment …
- Separate yourself from the moment in such a manner that you are able to observe as many elements as possible in the event as it is happening.
- Notice your own motives and what you had hoped to gain by addressing it as you did? (what was your pay-off? For instance, to feel smarter? more talented? more humble? to be right? to show how caring you are?)
- Notice that most often, our responses to situations around us are from a desire to protect OUR OWN comfort, not to actually solve the problem of another. Solving the problem requires much deeper assessment than a knee-jerk reaction.
- Ask yourself,
- “What is the worse thing that can happen?”
- “What is the best thing that can happen?”
- When? How? Why? What? types of questions – resist the knee jerk reaction!
- PRAY! Scripture encourages with this verse: James 1:5 – “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” New International Version (better yet, do this first!)
- Time has a wonderful way of resolving things … everyone has a different way of processing events – including you.
- Know how you process. Are you a knee-jerker? Do you react before you think? Notice – and start thinking before you react.
- Are you a thinker and like to take your time? Notice! Perhaps this is a time when you need to react and not ignore what is occurring around you.
Above all … PRAY. Pray for wisdom, guidance, discernment, patience …
Receive GRACE … James 4:6
“But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” New International Version
When the crisis has passed, look back while resisting conclusions, judgments and meanings that we as humans have a tendency to apply to events.
- How you felt
- What you thought
- What tapes played in your mind while the event unfolded?
- How did others react?
- What conversations did you hear?
- What belief systems did you encounter in yourself and in others?
- What was the root issue of the problem versus the assumption?
- What did you learn?
- How did you grow?
Ah yes … there’s the gold! Learning and growing …
2 thoughts on “There’s Gold Hiding in Your Mud”
Love this….. “..most often, our responses to situations around us are from a desire to protect OUR OWN comfort, not to actually solve the problem of another. Solving the problem requires much deeper assessment than a knee-jerk reaction.”
Great post, Shannon! I love how you break things down so well and get to the heart of the matter. Thank you!
It’s hard for people to understand – especially when what they are doing appears to be “right” – however, it’s only right “in their own eyes”.
Comforting someone who hasn’t asked – is it about you or about the person’s needs? Many a healing moment has been shattered because a well meaning person tried to “comfort” someone (in order to comfort themselves because they were UNcomfortable with the situation) .. when all they needed was a moment to themselves to process their own thoughts and feelings.
Ah yes … been there, done that. Still find myself needing to check my own motives about things. Thanks for the comment!