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He Said, She Said, They Said – How to Judge Things Clearly

Every judge in the land has a heavy responsibility to hear out all parties in their court and then make a decision based upon evidence provided. They are trained and skilled listeners who know the law of their jurisdiction and have vital skills in discernment and decision making.

Every police officer has the same challenge when gathering information from witnesses regarding a certain event. Many witnesses mean more stories to plow through.

You and I both know that the job of being the pastor or a leader within a church sounds noble, but it quickly becomes a nightmare when emotions flare and the ‘children’ bicker in the Church Family.

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Should I Stay or Should I Go?

What if it Was the Other Person Who Left?

Unresolved relationshipA great deal of people have stayed in relationships that ranged from friendship to business to marriage to church attendance, and it was the last place they should have stayed. Staying for the benefit of others is not a good enough reason to stay. God is bigger than divorce – of COURSE He hates it! He hates that it occurs at all, and He hates what it does to people.

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Communication Assumptions are Deadly!

Emotional dramaAre you being challenged in your relationships? Whether that relationship is with your spouse, your friend or a congregational member, making assumptions about what they “really” mean – can be deadly.

The death of many a relationship has been caused solely by blind assumptions regarding motives and intentions. As a leader in a church, or other position of leadership such as a parent, there is a tendency to assume that you are  the answer, or have the answer. 

Whether you believe that or not isn’t the problem with this assumption– it’s believing that you must be the answer … or you must have the answer. After all, you’re the leader, right?

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Listening to What is Not Being Said

There are moments when we are in the heat of a discussion and tempers flare, that the art of listening slides to the rear of our minds.  Emotions boil up, over and out, carrying acid thoughts and accusations.

When listening ends, we take to heart only what we EXPECT to hear, not what is actually being said, and in an effort to counteract those expectations, the temptation to attack verbally before we are wounded further overtakes us.

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Beat Up and Lovin It

Have you ever asked a dear Saint, “How are things with you?” and then received the reply of, “Man, I tell you, the devil is really beating us up.”

You ask what is going on, and they continue with a flourish, all the gory details of conflict, crisis and disasters.  “Wow,” you think (and are led to believe) … and in fact, may respond with …. “You must be really doing something right to get beat up like that!”

Wait …