It’s not just the pastor’s wife that gets lost in her world and wonders from time to time what her dream use to be. In fact, just remembering your name can be a feat on certain days!
Before you can teach anyone else something, you must have first walked that path and teach from experience. Anyone can teach method or theory, but eventually, whether you believe and walk it out or not, will manifest in your life for all to see.
However, once you notice that you are in a cycle of defeat, depressed, or feeling frustrated and feeling weepy–rejoice; because opportunity has just presented itself to you. You’ve reached a pivotal point where you are at a cross-roads to change.
Are you noticing that you seem to be …
1. On hold – this feels similar to when you walk into a room and then forgot what you went in there for. The only way to remember is to retrace your steps.
That feeling of being lost in the crowd and unimportant, or being “on-hold” comes from not setting or identifying the parameters of your life. You have allowed other people and events to define your life and identity. Willingly giving up what makes you happy for the sake of ‘making others happy’ is actually a loveless act. Even though it appears to be heroic it’s a convenient excuse to not be responsible for your own dreams and happiness so that you can appear to be the hero or martyr at the sake of other people’s happiness. It’s a common – and dangerous perception. Your life is on hold because decisions aren’t being made. Personal permission isn’t being given and the chains that bind your feet are the deceptions that you tell yourself that make it appear ‘righteous’ or ‘The Christian Thing To Do.” The hidden motive is that it’s easier to be a victim than to be a responsible Victor. (ouch!)
2. Waiting for the other shoe to drop – this feels similar to when you finally have a quiet moment and the kids have gone to bed, the phone has been quiet for an hour and you have finally sighed a breath of relief – only to have the phone ring with an emergency, the kids get in a fight or the water heater breaks. You just KNOW something will interrupt your moment … you just know ….
Often called burnout, these moments are the result of a lack of personal boundaries and parameters. That “waiting for the other shoe to drop” is actually just that–you are expecting an interruption because you’ve allowed them to happen on a regular and consistent basis. Without the proper boundaries, you’ve actually trained the people in your life that it’s okay to interrupt you at THEIR convenience – not yours.
3. Experiencing rolling PMS moments – (24/7!) – this is when you snap at everyone and everything at the slightest movement or when your eyes leak at the silliest things and you can figure out why you are so sad.
Unresolved resentment breeds resistance and not addressing that resistance fuels revenge. The core of this is the excuse to blame everyone and everything else for the reason why you are in pain. Your depression is a sign of pain, your anger is a sign of pain, your hopelessness is a sign of pain. The first thing that people do is to want to blame in order to release that pain and to give an explanation of why it is there. Taking responsibility for our pain is not something that is taught, because to teach it means you will be held accountable for it!
Blaming Satan for “beating you up” is convenient because after all, you ARE a Christian and are living a “holy” life. Blaming God because you are “waiting on Him” is another evasive tactic that many take in order to explain their non-action.
And when someone says, “I just don’t want to get ahead of God” what they are really saying is, “I’m afraid and haven’t done my due-diligence to look at my own actions or to plan my way and take responsibility for my choices.
Looking inward to identify your TRUE motives is the only way to break free from this deadly cycle of pain.
4. On the floor – Have you ever been in a public place, busy, or talking to people and the floor looks inviting? Your eyes wander from the task at hand and as your gaze falls to the floor, you see yourself curling up in a ball and just … going to sleep, not caring who has to step over you or what people may think?
Exhaustion comes when we have given up our rights to protect health in mind, spirit, body or emotionally. We have given it all to everyone around us. It’s true that there may be nutritional or chemical reasons in your body that might make you feel this way, but the first thing to look at is where all of your energy and focus has been going? The next step is to ask yourself “WHY?”
Because women are natural nurturers, we will attend to other’s needs immediately without considering our own. It’s not out of malice that we do this, it is out of our nature to nurture. There is nothing wrong with nurturing others – as long as we know how to nurture ourselves.
Because of who we are as women, we require reassurance and validation for what we give and do. But because we live in a broken world, it’s a rare husband or friend can give that to you when you need it. Only you can do that. But because of misinterpreted religious beliefs that we must give it all (even when we don’t have it) we give so that we can feel good about ourselves and we think it is from obedience.
When you are exhausted, rest. When you are hungry, eat. When you need quiet time, be quiet. When you need to laugh, laugh. Do what you need to do to nurture yourself first.
If you don’t know what that looks like, then you are in a crisis mode and need to start exploring and noticing all the things that make you smile or give you life and immediately set strong boundaries regarding how much time or in what manner you spend time with anything that takes life, rather than gives it. (In ministry, we aren’t always able to just cut off the negative)
Living your life from a place of wholeness and abundance is love in action. Jesus said that the greatest commandment was this …
“Love God, love others AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF.”
You cannot love anyone else before you love yourself. It always begins with you, loving you.
Renewing your mind is a moment-by-moment participatory sport. Casting down vain imaginations is possible as soon as you notice them. It too is something you have to participate in.
Feeling out of control is a result of turning control over to people and things around you. Knowing why is to discover the pay-off for why this happened. Once you see the pay-off, you have the opportunity to take back your life and live again.
HINT: If your reason for why you are feeling out of control, exhausted or on hold is not a result of the events in your life. It’s the result of your perception of those events.